i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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