I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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