the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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