I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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