she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
