I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize