I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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