...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
