I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
