just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
