shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
