Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
