Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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