Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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