cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
