he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
