Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My feet surprised me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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