I could have mohawked her pubes.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
