So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
