the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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