she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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