you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
