So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
