Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize