Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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