Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
