Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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