I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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