this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
