Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
