i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
