I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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