is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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