you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
