Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
