I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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