for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
