Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
