I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize