after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
