I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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