I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
