wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
