Got a toothbrush?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
