If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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