I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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