I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
