The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
