I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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