Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
