yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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