The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
