Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i out mim tonsoeep
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