I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
