I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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