I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
