i would punch a child for taco bell
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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