Don't make out with my wife yet
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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