I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
