i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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