I think I am morally bankrupt
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
