my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize