genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
