dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
