I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
