either way he was missing a nipple.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize