ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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