She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
