What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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