well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize