We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
