i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
