in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
