Jerry, you need to find god
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
