It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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