my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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