theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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