I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The air was thick with penises
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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