hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
