someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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