I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
